Sorry its been a while! I cannot believe it is already September! Where did the time go? Where did the summer go? I am ready for leather jackets, combat boots, scarves, hats, gloves, shawls, sweatshirts and more! Fall is my favorite time of year. There is something about the way that fall smells, that pumpkin spice, the dying leaves it just fills me. Though I will admit I am not a huge pumpkin spice fan, as much as I am a Gingerbread latte fan- but that’s more in the holiday season- not rushing that! Well I would love a Gingerbread coffee right now, but I guess I can wait.
What I really intended to write about besides my clear coffee obsession is music. You’ll notice the title of this post is song lyrics from Bob Seger’s song “I want to get lost in your Rock N’ Roll”. That’s truly how I feel about rock and roll music in general. Its in the moment of venting frustration, pain and struggle- and knowing that other people (usually the artist) is speaking the words you thought were only in your head; that these feeling were specific to you. That’s the thing- they’re not, and its wonderful. Other people have gone through the exact same thing- the struggle that it is to be human. Sometimes it just feels good screaming song lyrics in my car.
Lately my personal and professional life has been draining me dry- bringing me to the point of exhaustion. But what has gotten me through- (a thank you to my friends, family and boyfriend who are my constant rock and support)- but on a more personal level- that time when its just you and your thoughts; what has gotten me through is the music. It always has been the music. It “frees my soul.. I want to get lost in your Rock N’ Roll and drift away..”.
A new song I discovered from a recent favorite artist is “Fighter” by In this Moment. Listen here.
The song lyrics that stick out to me the most are:
“I will fall and rise above
And in your hate I find love
‘Cause I’m a survivor
Yeah, I am a fighter
I will not hide my face
I will not fall from grace
I’ll walk into the fire, baby
All my life
I was afraid to die
And now I come alive inside these flames”
I pick these lyrics in particular because what speaks to me is surviving; rising above. Someone once told me, (in reference to being a star) that you must burn to shine. I thought this was appropriate to both how I feel and the visualization of fire in these lyrics.
As a plus size woman, I often find the rejection from society so in my face 24/7 there is no escape from it. Especially with todays technology- its so easily assessable around the clock; its almost suffocating at times. I mean look at the you tube post that recently went viral- “Dear Fat People” is all I will say- I mean look how easy it is for people to just spew hatred, especially on such a public platform; its disgusting.
This is where those lyrics become true for me.. “In your hate, I find love”. I give a thousand kudos to those women putting themselves out there and publicly taking this hate- someone like Whitney Way Thore. Good for her- she’s honestly more brave then I would be. It takes balls to be out in the public eye and say “Fuck you guys, I am who I am, take it or leave it” (not that she said those words), but she doesn’t have to. Actions will always speak louder then words. And not for nothing, but I don’t see anyone else who comments or criticizes stepping up to the plate. Its easy to be bold behind a screen. I think its cowardly. Whitney has all my support and I cannot wait for her second season of “My Big Fat Fabulous Life” to air. It takes courage to be a symbol and get out there. What I love most about her is her realness and her positive attitude- her platform #NoBodyShameCampaign You Rock on Girl!
I love ITM next lines “I will not hide my face/ I will not fall from grace”. I love love love this because its again exactly how I feel. Despite what you might think of me (or anyone else) as a plus size person- I will still always be here, and I will NOT hide my face. You have a problem with me? That’s YOUR problem, not mine. I am a firm believer in self reliance and responsibility. ITM’s next line ” I will not fall from grace” I just love even more, because to me it means no matter what shit you have to say about me, or what you think of me has NO power over me. I yield my own results, and no one else. If I “fall from grace” it will be because of me, and not you. YOU and only YOU determine your fate. Your choices will determine your outcome; no one else’s. And if you don’t choose for yourself, you let someone choose for you. You give up your voice. I say, Fuck that! I have a lot to say! I will not be silenced and neither should you.
“I will walk into the fire”- this next line- is embracing this journey. Knowing what lies ahead and walking through the flames anyway. Having the balls to know what you want and to go for it. Only you have the power to shape you. You are all that matters. Every day I work on loving myself, and who I see in the mirror. From P!NK’s lyrics (Fuckin’ Perfect)- I will “change the voices in (my) head, make them like you, instead”. Its true. The only voice you control in your head is yours. There will always be people telling you what to think and what to do- but YOU need to decide for You! You make that choice. Take control.
“All my life/ I was afraid to die/ And now I come alive inside these flames” This is perfect. (And not dying in the literal sense here people). All my life, I was afraid- those lyrics are true. Growing up you become afraid of not fitting it, of being the outcast, of being called the fat girl. I felt the same things, I am not different than you. But- and this is important- because I embrace my inner freak, embrace my life and my journey- I not only “come alive” but I thrive! You walk into the fire, and come alive inside the flames. Its all about change. To me, its about letting go, and allowing yourself to transform and change into the woman you were born to become.
I don’t mean to sound preachy here- but this song, Rock N’ Roll in general for me, is empowering. Screaming these lyrics in my car on my ride home from my day job, gets me through the day. I scream sometimes to just feel alive; to say I am here. And it feels good. Let it go- release all this energy that’s building up inside. Decide for yourself how you feel and what you want. Don’t ever let anyone tell you your not enough. Or that your not this or not that; its always something. Why does it seem always so hard to find the people who want to help you instead of wanting to hurt you.
This is again one of my philosophies. We can make it together. There is already some much hatred in this world, so much shame and blame. There is no need for any of this. And down to my core I don’t understand the need women feel to tear each other down. I truly can’t understand. If women as a whole knew just how powerful we were together, we would be unstoppable. Its recognizing that inner power and using it, and not letting anyone take it away from you. It never hurts to help. We will make it together because “I’m a survivor/ yeah I am a fighter” and so are you. The fight isn’t easy. But if its worth fighting- never stop. You ARE worth fighting for. Don’t anyone ever tell you otherwise.
I want to hear from you! What do you think? Who inspires you? What music gets you through your day? Shout out in a comment below! Thanks for reading!
Did you know I am developing a plus size jacket line? Follow my fashion journey here! Sign up and be in the know! http://www.rose-riot.com
Ⓒ Rose Riot 2016